A Decade Of Gratitude

Ten years have passed since I came to the US as a foreign student. I never imagined that my life was going to be a self-discovery adventure almost every day! I started noticing triggers, behaviors, and feelings that I would've never discovered if I was still living at home, surrounded by the familiar. Now I know what is the exact temperature at which I start to feel cold, I know when my body is preparing to feel sick, or when it's time to switch tasks because my brain starts to feel heavy. 

I also have been through EVERYTHING while living abroad, good and bad: frostbite, ballroom dancing, winter depression from lack of daylight, random generosity, falling on my behind from misstepping on ice, stumbling upon Oprah and Ben Stiller in the street, oversleeping on the subway train and missing my stop, etc., you name it! I don't think I have experienced complete boredom (for more than one day at least) in the past ten years, there's always something going on. 

That said, I can tell you that some lessons keep repeating themselves in my life, reminding me that we're only humans and limited, flawed, and sensitive, no matter how tough, upbeat, or discouraged we feel. Having these lessons at the forefront of my days has been crucial to "making it" away from home:

If You Give Love To Anything (even if it's to a place), You Will Receive It Back

I feel nothing but Love towards NYC from day 1. I feel like I have been rewarded every time I have encountered challenges and have endured and managed them from a place of gratitude and acceptance.

 My first living situation was a shared apartment on Bennet Ave and 181st Street. My room was probably smaller than 80 square feet, with no windows, and very noisy upstairs neighbors. My roommates were heavy smokers, but friendly people. It wasn't perfect, not even feasible by some people's standards, but for me was paradise, freedom, (very) affordable, and novelty (I was in NYC!! By Myself!! Woohooo!! How cool is that!!). 

From that mindset, I came across a Graduate student housing organization called International House (I-House). I scheduled a tour of its premises without thinking too much about it and, the first thing that caught my attention was that they had music practice rooms with grand pianos in them. Residents were able to reserve any room at any time (it was open 24/7) and practice as long as they wanted to. That was my cue to apply. I was accepted and moved not only to a new room but to a whole new experience, a new way of thinking, new friends, and an entirely new community within NYC. 

Needless to say, I-House was the catalyst of the many blessings I have today: my friends, my new apartment, and the most beloved of them all, my husband (that's a story for another post :). 

I-House

It's Going To Be OK, Have Courage

When I finished my degree and moved out from I-House to live with roommates nearby (who were also my I-House friends), I was looking for jobs and living with a very tight budget. My meals consisted of things that I cannot even look at these days, mainly because of the high levels of unhealthy things they contain: packaged soup (cup 'n noodles, Lipton, etc.), sliced white bread (the thinnest and cheapest I could find), and large quantities of rice. 

I remember having months when I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to pay rent or have enough on my metro card for my commute; but somehow, right before I started to panic, something would come up and help me get through it: a short internship, a quick sub-teaching gig, etc. 

That said - and this is what I mean when I mentioned to Have Courage -, I never stopped moving, asking, knocking on doors. I was applying to teaching and admin jobs day and night. The need for stability and income would make me courageous enough to send that email or ask for that referral. 

Eventually, everything made sense, and I even found another fulfilling career path that I never thought I was capable of doing, but you gotta keep pushing!

The fanciest dinner I could afford with my roommate - we were celebrating me, getting hired!

Have Fun In The Search

I also remember that the first 5 years in NYC were the period in my life when I had the most fun. Since everything pointed at me going back to Panama for good, I took advantage of every activity and experience that this city had to offer. 

I was an everyday tourist, and my friends and I would go to every party that we were invited, try new restaurants every week, ice-cream shops, coffee shops, you name it. We'll have favorite words such as "free", "discounted", "on-sale", etc. I probably went to every single free or discounted performance in this city. I made a 6-hour line at the MET Opera to buy discounted orchestra tickets for Aida, featuring Placido Domingo. Yes, I saw him performing for $20. I cannot tell you how many awesome people I met and things I learned, appreciated, and discovered. 

Random Octoberfest Party in 2014

All this is to say that our time on this earth is short and finite, but sooo long at the same time, especially when we're waiting for things to happen. So, love where you are right now (even if it's difficult), aim high (even if it looks like it's not going anywhere), and have fun in the process! :)